Check Their Ring Finger (Wk1 – Hawaii)

I woke up to the surprisingly pleasant smell of sweet flowers and coffee. Apparently that is just the way the air smells here.  That smell set the mood for the whole day. I felt like I was at Willy Wonka’s.

We started the day off on a guided tour to summit Mauna Kea. This was the highlight of my trip so far. It was well worth the money. The ride up to the summit (13,796ft) was a really bumpy and made me a bit nervous, but once we arrived I was in awe.  This was the perfect place to see beautiful views of lava fields, the desert and the valley.  We ate at the summit. It was freezing but beautiful.

Everyone in the tour group was clumped together in their own smaller groups. It was apparent that I was the only ‘loner’ in the bunch.  Of course I had Silas with me.  (Lately, I was beginning to feel as if having a 1yr old on my hip was actually turning people away.) I was tempted to go sit with one of the other groups and just start talking to them, but everyone seemed really engrossed in their own conversation.  And anyway, Silas kept pulling the front of my shirt down and then grabbing the bottom and lifting it up.  Sometimes my kid makes me feel like I could never mingle in the ‘real’ world again. Do all kids turn their moms into lepers? I can get over the smears of wet graham crackers on my shoulders and snot on the calves of my pants, but undressing me in public like I am just a milk dispenser crosses the line.

Instead, Silas and I found our own little area. Silas spent a good chunk of time trying to catch little bugs and eat rocks.  Every time I dished out a “No-No, rocks don’t belong in our mouth”, he countered with a devilish little smile.  Then in slow motion he would bring the rock to his mouth stopping just before his tongue hit the rock and start laughing. Right now, in his mind, getting me to say “No” is just about the funniest thing he can do. It is exhausting.

All of a sudden I realized I had not thought about my ex for over 4 hours! That was a much needed break.

But now, I was thinking about him. I wondered what he had done all day. Was he having more fun with his new girl than Silas and I were having?  The answer was definitely “No”.  But what if he thought he was having a better time? I felt a strong desire to call him and let him know how amazing things were here on my end.

But then I remembered an article I had read on “How To Win Back Your Ex” and it clearly stated “No contact for 1 month”.  That was my plan. Hopefully after the month of no contact, I would no longer want him back.

When we got back to the hotel, I put Silas in the stroller and we walked into the village. There were cute independently owned stores, which I love, and a farmers market.  Silas loves fruit and kept pointing at everything saying “ma-ma, ma-ma”.  Needless to say, we bought a lot of fruit.

Pre-Silas I was a super traveler. I could pack so much stuff in one day. I was organized and efficient. This is my first time travelling on ‘baby-time”.  You know, eating 5 or 6 times a day, 2 or 3 naps, and everything in between.  At home it was hard to find time to do the dishes and now I was trying to squeeze in touring a whole city.  I am just beginning to realize that challenge I have in store for myself.

Back at the hotel, after a long nap, we decided to go for a swim.  The water felt amazing. The pool is surrounded with natural rocks and plants. It felt very “Blue Lagoon-ish”.  I couldn’t help but notice a group of 3 guys hanging at the edge of the pool.  I started to actually check them out.  Like a dirty old man, I looked them up and down, checked their ring fingers and hoped that they didn’t notice.

I have no idea what my plan was if I found one I liked.  It probably would have played out like this-  “Hey, do you want to come up to my room with me and my 1 year old? We can play peek-a-boo until he falls asleep, then we can play grown-up games.”  What a joke! I have no idea how to be a single mom of a toddler and sexy.

I ended up just playing with Silas in the water. He was laughing and splashing. Unfortunately, I was not “in the moment”. I was faking a smile and a laugh for him.  The knots in my stomach felt like they were creeping up into my throat. My ex has already moved on and I am not even in a position to have meaningless sex.  How many times in a woman’s life can they really not get laid when they want to?  Am I losing my mind or is this just a right of passage?

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